This is clever writing. I like that it doesn’t demonise ambition or discipline, but instead explores how perfectionism can become a survival mechanism. The line about “the stricter verdict already waiting inside us” grabbed me because it captures the exhausting reality of internal sruggle really well.
One thing I wanted to avoid was turning ambition or discipline into something bad, because I think these pattern originally begin as attempts to create safety, structure, or worth. Which we all need
Though they can become painful when protection turns into inner punishment, which I am so good at actually
"Just the perfectionist imagines it matters" I often wonder how many times we do things for ourselves, to impress our future selves rather than others around us..
Oh you caught me perseverating over planning a perfect meal for friends! Such a constant practice to move from a place other than the one that needs everything to go perfectly every time, but so rewarding when we can.
.I love how clearly you caught it in yourself, especially in something as caring and everyday as cooking for friends. Moving away from that part that needs everything to be perfect really does feel like a constant practice…
Thought-provoking and well written. The fantasy of control creates a sense of safety, often as a result of a lack of it early in life. But don't ask me how I know. ;)
Just had a conversation with a few friends yesterday about this..how so much of our burnout isn’t even coming from the work itself as much as from tying our performance to our worth.
Yes — exactly. That distinction feels very important to me too.
So much exhaustion seems to come not only from the work, but from the private meaning we load into it.... Thanks for reading and commenting on my piece:)
This is clever writing. I like that it doesn’t demonise ambition or discipline, but instead explores how perfectionism can become a survival mechanism. The line about “the stricter verdict already waiting inside us” grabbed me because it captures the exhausting reality of internal sruggle really well.
Thanks, really appreciate your comment
One thing I wanted to avoid was turning ambition or discipline into something bad, because I think these pattern originally begin as attempts to create safety, structure, or worth. Which we all need
Though they can become painful when protection turns into inner punishment, which I am so good at actually
I’m glad that line stayed with you….
It was a solid piece
just like yours…
"Just the perfectionist imagines it matters" I often wonder how many times we do things for ourselves, to impress our future selves rather than others around us..
This is such an interesting turn.
Not only performing for others, but for some imagined future self who might finally approve of us — that feels very true to me.
Thanks for reading and commenting on my piece:)
Oh you caught me perseverating over planning a perfect meal for friends! Such a constant practice to move from a place other than the one that needs everything to go perfectly every time, but so rewarding when we can.
This is such a good example — thanks:)
.I love how clearly you caught it in yourself, especially in something as caring and everyday as cooking for friends. Moving away from that part that needs everything to be perfect really does feel like a constant practice…
Thought-provoking and well written. The fantasy of control creates a sense of safety, often as a result of a lack of it early in life. But don't ask me how I know. ;)
Thank you, Petra.
I think that is exactly what makes the fantasy of control so seductive—it offers safety where safety once felt uncertain.
Your last sentence made me smile more than you might expect…
Glad it made you smile. :)
Your posts are so thought provoking. You are one of the authors that it's hard to pick only one quote from when restacking.
ohhh…. This is so kind of you — I cannot express it with words how amazing to read this.
I’m genuinely very touched by all that kindness…
I try to do my best to making each piece feel whole, so this was especially lovely to read…
Just had a conversation with a few friends yesterday about this..how so much of our burnout isn’t even coming from the work itself as much as from tying our performance to our worth.
Yes — exactly. That distinction feels very important to me too.
So much exhaustion seems to come not only from the work, but from the private meaning we load into it.... Thanks for reading and commenting on my piece:)